I came out of the hole today.
I'm basking in the light right now.It feels great.I didn't expect this number of people to come and help me.They all came together and worked together to help me.They cared for me.I am not alone.I am happy now^^I fear if I'll fall into the hole again.I hope it won't happen anytime soon...Okay,I shall now talk like a normal person.
Damn,there were hell lotta people crying in class today.All because of me. Yes,me alone.No!I did not friggin' get a fit and like go around punching people.
Came to school like usual.Being emo and all in the morning.Oh yeah fyi,to everyone,when you see me smiling with my mouth closed.
I always show my teeth..There's something wrong.I memang have been depressed for very long cuz I've been sorta anti-social.Yes,Yau Hui Min can be anti-social.She's been doing it for a month.The day before I was already crying so when Kadri asked if I was okay yeah,the water works came in but I just brushed it off and told him I was fine.
During English period,we had Essay Writing Competition.Yaaay.Guess what title I picked?
DEPRESSION.So predictable right?Yeah,wrote 5 pages long(exercise book size).I wrote it diary style.Not the common once upon a time that most people picked or like some karangan fakta.Then,when we finished,went for stupid ceremah about pooburtie.After ceramah,they specially called all 2 Matahari girls to the office.Keng Han's dad was there.I honestly think I've done Keng Han some justice.I won't say any further.
During dunno what subject,Cheryl asked me howI felt when I was depressed.To my ears,I somehow thought she had a hint of sarcasm to it and beofre that I heard her mumbling about how I exagerate and how she's having depression.I just felt very irritated by that statement.I couldn't help myself.How does she know she's really been through depression?How does she really know how I feel?How does she know what I've really been going through?Who is she to say I've been exagerating?So,crying three times a day five times a week isn't depression?Well then,I really do wonder why I cried so frequently.Bottomline,overwhelmed by all those feelings yeah,cried.
Cousin got really angry.She was like''Great,you ruined all my hard work.Do you have any idea how long it took me to make her happy again?''Yeah,a long time.You see,when a depressed person thinks about this kinda stuff,yeah,just thinking about it brings back all the bad memories and makes them cry.I honestly do pity
Bee.Cheryl is heartless at times.She kept on asking me how it felt being depressed.I can safely say it was at least 4 or more and when I turned back to answer,I just kept crying more and more.I told them it was because I was lonely and Cheryl never got it.I don't understand how hard it is to understand the word lonely.She just kept on aking and asking.Asshole made me cry.This must've angered Bee like shit cuz after that for the whole two BM periods all I did was cry and hide behind the newspaper.Oh yeah,cousin started vrying cuz I cried.Girls do it a lot,crying cuz they see people cry.
Second BM period,Jarrod found me crying so he asked me what's wrong.I just didn't reply and I didn't want to face him.I somehow felt ashamed.I knew he knew and he knew I knew but obviously you wouldn't want to see your friend sobbing uncontrolably like that.Anyway,I didn't want to face him.I didn't want to face anyone.I didn't want to tell him my problem.I kept saying I'm 'fine' but deep down,he knew I wasn't.He told me repeatedly to like counter my statement.He said,''Yau,you are not fine.''Thank you for telling me that Jarrod. I now realize it's no use lying to myself.It'll only make matters worse.At that time,it was only me and cousin crying.I decided to tell my story.The ''hole and light'' version.Wait,''Holie Light sounds better.''
He started crying too.Jarrod,my friend started crying.I was wondering why.I asked cousin and cousin said he cried cuz she cried.Now I know why he cried but I won't say anything.I found out like half hour ago.Anyway,I continued my story.He was half standing next to me trying hard to make out my words.Thank god he could get through my sobb-y story.I couldn't speak properly.The three of us just stayed there listening to my story,crying.Oh yeah,poor Bee,Jarrod and me cried or emo-ed for the next hour and a half.
I EFFIN' LOVE YOU GUYS.After that ,I realized Christine was crying,then Xian,then Soo Yin,then Siew Jun,Hui Li(?),Rou En(?).Damn that was a lot of water works.I honestly don't know why they cried.maybe it was because everyone was crying.Opening up,it felt good.But then,Cheryl started yeling at me and crying at the same time.Like why was I calling her a bitch why was I making everyone hate her?Well,as you can see,I never blamed her.I'm only blaming myself for being so lonely,so anti-social and as for eveyone hating her,wall,did everyone even hate her?As for the me calling her gang wolf part(it's somewhere down there),I depicted her as the wolf bacuse i couldn't come in contact with her.It wasn't safe for me.Not because I hated her.Bottomline,everything's solved now.She crried cuz she feared she would lose Christine.How stupid.Oh yeah,Kadri made a Perjanjian Persahabatan for me and Cheryl.Very cute Kadri,very cute.
After all the water works,wait,it didn't really end,anyway.Jarrod gave me a hug,a good long one at that.It made me feel cared for.It made me feel like I had not been forgotten.That I had a friend who had always been there for me.Oh yeah,cousin gave me hugs too.Damn,I love my cousin so much*tears*.
QUOTES THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOODJARROD JOSHUAJarrod:Remember,I'll always be there for you.No matter what,I'll try my best to always be there when you need me.
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Hui Min:I'm fine.
Jarrod:No,Yau,you're not fine.
Hui Min:I'm fine!
Jarrod:No, you're not.When Yau smiles with her mouth closed,there's something wrong with her or when she's crying and she can't smile at all,there is seriously something wrong.
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Jarrod:Another thing that really irritates me is when Yau doessn't smile.It just feels so weird.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jarrod:Yau,you are my priority.
ABIGAIL CHOONGShit,she said this so long ago.I hope I get them right.
Abigail:Don't cry ,Yau.
For some reason,when she says it,it really has meaning to it cuz she's always been there for me.And when I say that I mean literally always.14 years to be exact.Dang,the problem with her advices are they're damn lond so I can't remember.I AM FRIGGIN' SORRY COUSIN.MY GAWD.WHY THE HELL AM I SO LAME?effin' forgetful.Oh!oh!oh!Now I remember
It's all in the form of Fruits Basket!
Let your support become my courage.My all time favourite.I tell you,there's a lot more but I just can't remember.That series has been a main contributor to my happiness.
Gawd,I'm hating myself so bad for not remembering.
JEREMY TANGYup,another one.
Jeremy:I'll always be thre for you.Don't cry ,Yau.Smile^^
He brings more meaning to his words because he understands what I'm going through.He really has offered his help whenever possible but I always understood he had his own priorities.Good friend^^Good,good friend.I too wish the best for him.I just wanna say THANK YOU,ALL of you.When I say all,I mean everyone.All of you that have been supporting me today.Soo Yin,Siew Jun,Hui Li,Rou En.Thank you for all your letters.I will cherish them.Dang,I wish I can scan them but my sis is next to me right now.
One last thing,a lot of people were sad/crying.I wondered why.Here are my guesses and some people told me anyways.
1.It's a girl thing.When we see people cry,we cry too.
2.It's just such a pityful sight,no?Yau is so sad and pathetic.We should all cry for her.
3.Poeple are finally feeling the pain again of being alone.All their memories flood back into their minds.The feeling of loneliness.We've all been through that.Quite a number of us never admit it but at one point,w e used to go home crying cuz we had no friends.
4.They were angry at themselves for not taking care of me.
Oh,oh,oh.One last thing.Jarrod told me he was just listening to this song.It makes me wanna cry.
I'll Stand By You-Carrie Underwood
Oh,why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes,
Come on and come to me now,
Don't be ashamed to cry......
Let me come along 'cause I've seen the dark side too.
Ok tired.One more thing,I'm serious this time.To those who have been lonely or are lonely,you feel like yoi've lost all your friends,no?It's very fustrating cuz you have no one to talk to and you blame yourself.It's okay.You're not alone.Open up,you'll learn that there are people out there hwo will care for you and that times like this will always pass.It's just a matter of time.
I'M NOT FINISHED WITH THIS POST.I'M JUST TO TIRED TO CONTINUE.
My country.